Thursday, November 25, 2010

Thankful for this sweet pup!

The day of thanks...

Since this is the day of Thanksgiving, I will proceed with being cheesy and name all the things I am thankful for. There are probably too many to name but isn't that what is great about this day? On a side note: I am super excited about my 'day of thanks' plans which thankfully include no turkey, dressing, stuffing, cranberries, beets, sweet potato anything, or casserole of any sort. Don't get me wrong, I am a southern girl at heart and would dig into anything in a casserole dish, but I don't particularly even like turkey so it is just a wasted meat on me on days like this. Mom is coming up to Atlanta and we are having dinner at our house. Andrew drove home from Indiana last night and he will be spending the day with us as well which is great. So we are having a dinner full of sides tonight (sans turkey), and a yummy dinner at that. The only 3 things I am sure of is brussel sprouts, kale, and cobbler. Even if that is all we have then I will be one happy thankful camper. Anyways, that was a long side note, so on to my list of things that I am thankful for...

-well I'll go obvious on the first one and say for JC and pretty much everything that has come into my life because of that awesome man...I could stop there but I won't.

-my puppy, who makes me so happy and I could just name all sorts of things that she does that I am thankful for, but mostly because she carries her bowl around and is precious.

-the house I live in

-the car I drive

-my hunter rain boots that make rainy days not depressing

-the sunshine

-leaves changing in the fall

-my sister

-my brothers

-my best

-my small group

-friends from school

-being in school

-my therapist

-former and current COL volunteers and their blogs

-my parents; actually my entire family (aunts,uncles,cousins etc.)

-music and it's ever present effect on my life

-how comfy my bed is

-my toms



-hard times

-all my friends...past, present, future

-being born in America

-most of all, for life

Ok so I think that about covers it...if I think of other things then I will include those during the day. I have come to the conclusion that I have lots and lots to be thankful for and that I need to give thanks always.

"Be joyful always, pray continually; give thanks in ALL circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16

Sunday, November 21, 2010


So I am just going to give a shout out to my therapist here. Ann is really awesome, and I think that God knew what he was doing when he put us together. She is a big proponent of how the mind and body work together and during the session she will stop me when I'm talking about something and ask me how my body feels at the time, and it is always amazing to me that I never before really stopped and noticed how much what I was feeling was affecting my body and my posture. When I talk about certain things I tense up automatically and it is not even something that I necessarily notice that I do. I don't know where we are going all the time in therapy but it is extremely comforting to know that I have someone who is going to those places with me. It is similar to the feeling of knowing that God is walking along with you at all times and he knows where you are going and it is really just about having blind trust (faith) that he knows what he is doing and is working all things for his purpose.

I have been BOMBARDED in the recents months with all signs pointing to my need to give up control to God and to cling to the promises that he made but also not get caught up on my small minded wants and desires of things that he never promised. I think that a lot of times people will read verses about praying for the desires of your heart and how God will fulfill those, yet at the same time the desires of a lot of people's hearts (mine included) are not focused on the right things or the things of God, so it is no wonder that these desires are not fulfilled. I've been trying to focus on not trying. I think that I have been putting a lot of pressure on myself (even though some of it is needed-school wise) to figure things out and to give up control...even though those things seem like they aren't congruent...when really I need to give myself a break and realize that I, alone, am broken and that I am in desperate need of a savior. Our sermon this morning was on 'giving thanks in ALL circumstances'. THAT IS HARD!!! I can honestly say though that even though this is a trying time/season in my life that I AM thankful for the season that I am in, and that God has trusted me with his silence at times, with the ups and downs, with the emotions, as well as with not always feeling his presence. The Christian life is not easy and it gets harder but somehow it still gets better the harder it gets. That kind of statement is only possible with God. I have been beyond amazed with the level of devotions recently with and today was no exception. I'll leave you with just a snippet...

"Conviction is given to us as a gift of shame and repentance; it is the great mercy of God. Jesus Christ hates the sin in people, and Calvary is the measure of His hatred."

a little midnight chat session

So it has become a little tradition to skype with my favorite ginger I am not related to. (Seeing as how my sister is my favorite ginger forever) So this has become a favorite time of mine during the week...except that it always seems to happen on nights that I need to go to bed early, like tonight. I have confirmation in the morning and so does she...but oh wells...what are you gonna do. So this is what we do...we video chat and talk about random things.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010


I've been MIA but not because I haven't had anything going on. In fact, it is because I have things going on that I haven't been able to write. I don't want to just start something and then have to stop it to do something else so I just haven't started period. I feel like I have been put into a blender and the just been a part of a whirlwind type of life recently. I don't want that to sound like I haven't been having fun or that it's a bad thing but it is just how I have been feeling.

I was thinking about Africa a few days ago as I usually do, and I was looking through pictures in my room and on my iphoto and I just can't help but tear up everytime I think about the babies. I looked through the pictures of the morning Rachel and I left and I felt like I was sitting on that couch playing with Sele on photobooth, and I was wishing I had taken more pictures (more than 2000? yes) I think there are 2 categories of former and current COL volunteers. Everyone picks a baby (or I think the baby picks them) and there is always sadness in leaving them, but the different categories are whether the babies have a 'future' or not. Some of my babies I know what is in the cards for their future (yes I realize that only God knows the future but stick with me), other babies, their future is up in the air. They either were taken from their families because it was not a healthy environment, or they have no family to go back to for many different reasons. The latter is the hardest for me because "my baby" has a future that is up in the air and it makes me SO sad to think of this sweet boy spending the rest of his life in a children's home. I don't know if it is in the cards for me to go back there and to adopt him, and I have left that up to God to tell me that if he wants me to do that then to let me know. I don't know what is normal in regards to how I 'should' be feeling having now been back for over 4 months and still thinking about those babies daily and about the life that was created there. I know that when you are not somewhere, there can be a temptation to idealize it. I don't think that is the case for me though, because I can distinctly remember all of the bad things and the frustration and annoyances that life there brings. I don't miss the lack of ice, water pressure, being dirty all the time, not having a comfortable bed, no chickfila, terrible roads...and the list goes on. But really all of that is just comfort or convenience. I don't know what is normal, but I am still trying to figure out normal for me. All of that is not to say that I am unhappy here doing what I'm doing.

I am stressed out and anxious but at the core I can still see clearly that I am saved and that I am a new creation and that there is nothing to really worry about because my life is in another's hands who knows me so much better than I even know myself. That alone is such a comfort.'s kinda like I am digging through a type of muck of past events and things that I need to work on, and it's not something that really anyone wants to do. I can see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel but I still have to go through all the stuff. I feel like I have been just blabbering on for quite some time so this is enough for today.

"We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?" Romans 6:1