Misunderstood

So I am just going to give a shout out to my therapist here. Ann is really awesome, and I think that God knew what he was doing when he put us together. She is a big proponent of how the mind and body work together and during the session she will stop me when I'm talking about something and ask me how my body feels at the time, and it is always amazing to me that I never before really stopped and noticed how much what I was feeling was affecting my body and my posture. When I talk about certain things I tense up automatically and it is not even something that I necessarily notice that I do. I don't know where we are going all the time in therapy but it is extremely comforting to know that I have someone who is going to those places with me. It is similar to the feeling of knowing that God is walking along with you at all times and he knows where you are going and it is really just about having blind trust (faith) that he knows what he is doing and is working all things for his purpose.

I have been BOMBARDED in the recents months with all signs pointing to my need to give up control to God and to cling to the promises that he made but also not get caught up on my small minded wants and desires of things that he never promised. I think that a lot of times people will read verses about praying for the desires of your heart and how God will fulfill those, yet at the same time the desires of a lot of people's hearts (mine included) are not focused on the right things or the things of God, so it is no wonder that these desires are not fulfilled. I've been trying to focus on not trying. I think that I have been putting a lot of pressure on myself (even though some of it is needed-school wise) to figure things out and to give up control...even though those things seem like they aren't congruent...when really I need to give myself a break and realize that I, alone, am broken and that I am in desperate need of a savior. Our sermon this morning was on 'giving thanks in ALL circumstances'. THAT IS HARD!!! I can honestly say though that even though this is a trying time/season in my life that I AM thankful for the season that I am in, and that God has trusted me with his silence at times, with the ups and downs, with the emotions, as well as with not always feeling his presence. The Christian life is not easy and it gets harder but somehow it still gets better the harder it gets. That kind of statement is only possible with God. I have been beyond amazed with the level of devotions recently with utmost.org and today was no exception. I'll leave you with just a snippet...

"Conviction is given to us as a gift of shame and repentance; it is the great mercy of God. Jesus Christ hates the sin in people, and Calvary is the measure of His hatred."