So I have been thinking a lot about what I am supposed to be doing with my life and while I don't think for a second that I have it together I do realize how often God provides answers in my life about the direction that I should be going in. Whether that is through a random email, facebook msg, phone call, convo, book, devotion, homework assignment, dream, or really anything, I never seem to be amazed by the subtle provisions. I've obviously been having these realizations recently. I had one today while I was working on a project at my favorite coffee shop. I shouldn't be surprised that I would be shown things at one of my favorite places :) The thing is that I ask for answers and then when I don't like the answer I try and forget it or move around it, but the answer doesn't change still. Per usual I want things the way I want them, but also per usual my ways are not beneficial and God always has such a better plan than I do. Let's just take inventory...school, Israel, Africa, job-->all better because I followed through with what I was being called to do. Anyways...it's just been frustrating at some points because while I have patience in some areas I really need to work on it in others and just take things as they come a little more. Moral of the story= I have to give up control of my life, and even when I get answers I don't want to...it's just not about me, and I'm glad. I have a ridiculously amazing quality of life with a huge family, quality friends, an education, a job, food, clothes, any opportunity I could ever ask for and that is more than I can say for some people that I have seen firsthand. People can often turn a blind eye to the injustices in the world but once you see it (and it doesn't take seeing for some people but I'm a visual person) I just can't not think about it and desire to do something about it.
The other night when I went for a run and my music wouldn't work on pandora on my phone so I was left to my own thoughts and that is usually a dangerous thing but I was focused and had the best run I've had in months. I hadn't run that long or far since I've gotten back from Africa. I had the go ahead from the doctor to slowly start running ( not so much a go ahead as a "you gotta do what you gotta do"). I take that as a go ahead though. I was just so pleased with the run and the stream of thoughts that occurred.
On another side note, being around kids for a large chunk of my time and just being in class learning about children with different disorders (that are preventable) I can't help but just be so thankful that I had a relatively normal childhood. I just see so many 'screwed up' kids and at this point in their lives it can only be attributed to their parents or lack there of in some cases and it is just so unfortunate. I never questioned whether my parents loved me and sometimes I think that can make all the difference in the world. I just feel like there is so much greatness to experience in life and I want that for everyone and I want everyone to know that it is possible.
Well...I just went on and on...my bad
"the fear is an anchor, time is a stranger
love isn't borrowed, we aren't promised tomorrow
we'll never be ready if we keep waiting for the perfect time to come
won't be steady, never be ready"