So in the mood of full disclosure, let me say that these are my feelings and they reflect no projections onto any other situation or person. I have been loving my therapist as of late. From our relationship, to how at ease I am in the process, to her level of expertise and the way she works at being a calming presence. All of it! So I had some pretty blanket reasons why I was going to therapy and those aren't really necessary (likely most of you know them anyway). But I had been finding myself whenever I talked about certain things just feeling the need to cry. Now I don't mind crying, if I find it necessary, but for the most part I feel that it is unproductive in this setting and shows a type of weakness (not the actual crying, but the lack of control over the crying). We've "explored" that topic endlessly and while I still don't like it, I have come to the compromise (and yes I told her this) that I would 'be present' with my feelings in the room, and if that meant that I felt like I needed to cry for an hour then that is just what I should do. She didn't necessarily suggest that I continue this attitude elsewhere because it could be a "not safe" place to be a water works factory.
All that being said...I am constantly amazed at the level of clarity/introspective/aware/present/freeing variety of feelings that go on in a simple 55minute session. And I feel like I have 2 camps of friends...there are those in school with me who obviously believe in the power of therapy and the process, there are those friends who have also been in therapy and see its wonderful quality, and then there are the friends who maybe don't see the need. The first two of those go into one camp obviously because they are both on board with the process. The latter though is interesting to me because sometimes it would be stated (and by some of my family members) that 'they don't need therapy and don't really have anything going on or feel the need to talk about. My immediate reaction to that is...well first selfish (per my broken usual self) of feeling like oh, and you think that I need therapy. (Which I truly believe that I do) But...once I get over myself (with the help of someone awesome) I find that first of all, I think that everyone could benefit from having someone listen to them for an hour, where it is there only job to listen to this person and to focus on them. That NEVER happens in real relationships!!! There is always a 2 sided conversation going on whether or not both people are talking. I can say this is absolutely true because I'm training to be a therapist and I don't do the kind of listening with friends that I do with 'clients'. (I really try hard to though, it's hard sometimes!) Second, I think that while some might find it hard to have something to talk about, we (as people) really like to talk about ourselves (in general) and don't find it hard in social setting to shut up and listen to someone else talk (color me guilty on that one sometimes!)
What my point of this is really is to say that its really hard work to do self care (I'm exhausted from my hour sessions today) and however you do that, it's so very important! People work out and eat right so that their body is taken care of but people won't take an hour or even 20 minutes to stop and think or be aware of the thoughts that they are having or have had. I find it to be such a waste of life or living to not be striving to be more self aware, because this is it, not a dress rehearsal and not a chance for redo. You're welcome for the cliche ending!
On another completely unrelated note (except for the living well aspect) my friend Shae from COL has decided that she is moving back to TZ in 6 months and proceeding with the adoption of dear sweet Happy. This makes my heart smile so very big! This sweet girl needs a forever home and I am ecstatic that it will be here in the US, which is exactly what she deserves! I know God has such big plans for her life and I am just so excited for both of them! Selfishly it will also be a great thing to be able to have someone that I know being back in Africa who can give love to my sweet Sele.
Our last day with the kiddos