Merry Christmas Eve (kindly gifted from TZ)
So following the sad blog post of yesterday, I didn't think that I would be feeling up for blogging, yet here I am...blogging. On the eve of His birth. The One I speak of...who could do it that is. The sadness is there, and it has planted itself firmly within. But next to it something else has joined and swallowed it up like a wave. That would be a promise that God holds this child in his hands, as he does me, and that I need not worry (even though I do and am working on it/not working on it and giving up control) Having all these feelings and a quite melancholy day on Tuesday and into Wednesday when I read about his departure on the website, I wasn't sure that this day would prove any better. Someone else had some other plans in mind. I had made plans to eat breakfast with Kaycee in ptc and tentative plans to do something with one of my 8th graders later in the day but still, I wasn't banking on any happiness coming. I can only give thanks to God, and Kaycee who was used by him to just settle things. There was no earth shattering conversation...just honest talk about God, our lives, shortcomings, upcoming excitement, and mostly our presence. She said something that I think a lot and just made me smile. That she thinks of me and knows that we want the same thing, and that we're ok. I like to call anytime around her a happy high for me. I heard someone describing a girl as God exuding from her without even having to say anything, and that is Kaycee for me. That is what I want to be, I want for people to look at me and see God, and his love. Not in a overly religious creepy sorta way, but in a real and wow sorta way. I guess I could have summed up that last part by just saying that I seriously love that girl, but it's just so much more than that. It's also that God cares about my "suffering" (I use that term VERY lightly) and responds with love in the form of another disciple. The day could have stopped right there and been successful, yet it continued.
I had some errands to run (and by that I mean that I had to pick up xmas presents for other people who leave their shopping to the 23rd) but I went by B&B's and got to hang out with them some and wrap some presents for them and such. That was just a minor detour in the day, but always nice and taken for granted that I live so close to the ones that I love the most. But after that one of my 8th graders who I had been wanting to hang out with finally txted me back and we made some plans for the night! Since the rents are out of town and I had the house to myself, I invited her over to watch a movie and hangout. Her mom came and dropped her off at the house around 6 and was just SO appreciative and kept asking if I was sure I wanted to do this lol. So she bolts and it is CAK and I. She snooped around the house for a bit and then we got some mexican for dinner and sat at the table and chatted for a while. It's nice to get them one on one cause then they aren't so crazy :-) We came back to the house and watched Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood, and she loved it! The night was just really great! It was the epitome of why I wanted to work with youth. I went and met her mom at 1130 to drop her off and again her mom was like this means so much to us, and I'm thinking how selfish it is for me because I wanted to do this and it wasn't something I felt roped into at all. It was a really nice end to the night though to say the least. I never cease to be overcome with how much God blesses when he doesn't have to and doesn't promise any of it. I know he loves me, but sometimes I wonder if I would be the same without all the blessings, if they weren't there, what would I do? I suppose that is another question for another day. That doesn't really sound like a Christmas eve post!
I guess I will end with a shout out to The One who can change a mood and a day like no other. I can't wait to see my family tomorrow and to celebrate the birth of our Messiah, my fav Jew there ever was!
*And this angel who can bring cheer with the best of them!